• 
  Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

• Why, any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner? 

• If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight? 

• Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 

• Why, when you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now?

• If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 

• Why is it that people say they *slept like a baby' when babies wake up every 2 hours?

• Why, as soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold?

• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

• Why, when a deaf person has to go to court, it is still called a hearing?

• If you're driving at the speed of light what would happen if you turned on the headlights?

• Why great discoveries are made by mistake?

• Why, when you transport something by car it's called a shipment and when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

• Why do they call a single TV a TV set? 

• Why, a good listener is usually thinking about something else?

• If vegetarians eat only vegetables what do humanitarians eat?

• Why are wrong numbers never busy? 

• Where does your lap go when you stand up?

 Why do they call them runways at airports and not flyways?  

• Why, after your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch?
  
                         

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.    It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out   water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their   pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the    spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several   months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their   spoons 73.84 percent more often than any their utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency, we can   reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to    replace it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the    kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed. The waiter served our main course and I continued to look around. I then   noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly.  Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked   off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there? “Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not   everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned    also found out that we can save time in the rest room."

"How so?", I asked. "See," he continued, “by tying this string to the tip   of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and  that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in   the rest room by 76.39 percent."

"Okay, that makes sense, but . . . if the string helps you get it out, how    do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about    the others, but I use the spoon."    

17 signs of falling in love :  take the test and let me know !!!


 SEVENTEEN:
 U LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY 



 SIXTEEN:
 WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU STILL MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO MINUTES AGO.



 FIFTEEN:
 YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 



 FOURTEEN:
 YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM 



 THIRTEEN:
 YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU'RE/THEY'RE AROUND. 



 ELEVEN:
 WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE  SAME TIME    



 TEN:
 YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE. 



 NINE:
 WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU SEE IS HIM//HER. 



 EIGHT:
YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF THEM



 SEVEN:
 THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.   



 SIX:
 YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.  



 FIVE:
 YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM. 



 FOUR:
 YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.



 THREE:
 WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...    



 TWO:
 YOU WERE SO BUSY THINKING ABOUT THAT PERSON, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUMBER   TWELVE.  



 ONE:
 YOU JUST SCROLLED UP TO CHECK & ARE NOW SILENTLY LAUGHING AT YOURSELF.   


 NOW MAKE A WiSH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.......

 

 *

 
 *
 ... **

 ***

 ****

 ... *****

 ******

 **... *****

 ********

 *... ********

 ********
 ... *******

 ******

 *

 ... ********

 *******
 ... ******

 *****

 ... ****

 ***

 IF YOU DIDN'T NOTICE NUMBER 12, SHARE THIS AS: "17 signs of falling in   LOVE." *AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR TRUE LOVE !!

·        Peter bought a butter, The butter Peter bought was bitter, So Peter Bought A better butter, To make the bitter butter better.

·        Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.  Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked? 

·        Betty Botter had some butter,But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.  But a bit of better butter-that would make my batter better."  So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter, And she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter.  So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.

·        A big black bug bit a big black bear,made the big black bear bleed blood. 

·        The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

·        She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she sells are surely seashells.  So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.    Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.

·        A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.  Said the flea, "Let us fly!" Said the fly, "Let us flee!"  So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

·        Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

·        Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

·        A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern, And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back. And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better bitten bittern, Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, a lack!"  

·        Mr. See owned a saw.  And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw

See,Which made Soar sore.  Had Soar seen See's saw

before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not

have sawed Soar's seesaw.  So See's saw sawed Soar's

seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because

See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!   

 ·        How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could   chuck wood?

·        He would chuck,he would,as much as he could,and chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.  

·        Which witch wished which wicked wish?

·        Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep.  The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south.  These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack;sheep should sleep in a sack

                             
To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot  handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something  for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not  yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it.  Instead, focus on all the wonderful things  that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are  people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the  person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another  weekend;  Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to  feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take  that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the  cancer
patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about,
asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness,
ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Should you decide to share this with a friend; Thank you, you may  have touched their life in ways you will never know

by, God...........

Short Message but effective !!!! 

 A lecturer was giving a lecture to his student on  stress management. He raised a glass of water and  asked the audience, "How heavy do you think this glass  of water is?" The students' answers ranged from 20gmto  500gm.

The lecturer said, "It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold  it for a minute, it is Ok. If I hold it for an hour, I  will have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a  day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

 "If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or  later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden  becoming increasingly heavier.  "What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again.

 "We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.  "So before you return home from work tonight, put the  burden of work down. Don't carry it back home. You can  pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you are having  now on your shoulders, let it down for a moment if you  can. Pick it up again later when you have rested... "

 Rest and relax.  

   Life is short, enjoy it!

On Mother's Day and Father's Day, we send our parents cards and flowers and gifts. We tell them we appreciate them, we tell them we love them. Then we spend the rest of the year trying to avoid them.

Well, some of us try harder than others. According to two recent polls, 36% of elderly parents say their grown children have failed to help them in a time of need in the past five years. And that doesn't even include all those parents who can't remember. Perhaps poor memory is a good thing. If I'm ever an aging parent, I want to remember my children as the most loving and caring people. And if they're not, I want to forget. But the only thing I'll probably forget is to put them in my will.

Let's face it: Parents can be a pain at times. They expect so much out of you. Do this, do that, eat this, eat that, marry this, marry that. There's no satisfying them. But you have to overlook your entire childhood to turn your back on your parents.

There are so many reasons to be grateful to them. Here are just a few:

☺      They didn't abort you. Yes, some of them easily could have, but they chose to accept at least 18 years of responsibility. Sure, you brought them lots of joy, but you also brought them lots of migraines. Thanks to you, they had to invest more money in aspirin than in the stock market.

☺      They changed your diaper about 2,750 times. You may have many talents today, but for the first years of your life, your only talent was soiling a diaper. Soon after that, you developed another talent: wetting the bed. You were so good at that, they thought you'd do it for the rest of your life.

☺      They forced you to do your homework. You preferred to watch cartoons on television, but they knew you couldn't make a career out of that. Unless you ended up on welfare. They encouraged you to earn good grades and graduate from school. They didn't want you to sell drugs for a living, without going to pharmacy school.

☺      They lost so much sleep worrying about you, they haven't yet caught up. That's why they have to go to bed at 7 p.m. They'd have to sleep continuously for five years to make up for your puberty alone.

☺      They spent a small fortune on you. Without you, they could have vacationed every year in the Bahamas and bought a sports car -- instead of that totally uncool station wagon. And they could have bought lots of fancy appliances and furniture, items that are guaranteed to never talk back or ask for allowances.

☺      They were so proud of you. Why do you think they took one billion photos of you? You weren't that cute. They even snapped shots of you taking a bath, as though that was some big achievement. When you took your first step, they acted like you had walked on the moon. They wanted to tell everybody, even the mail carrier. When you spoke your first word, they wanted to put an announcement in the newspaper. They wanted to call NDTV, AAZ TAK, STAR NEWS and CNN.

Consider yourself lucky if you have two parents or even just one. You can't replace a parent. You can't go to the store and buy one, even if you're as loaded as Bill Gates.

Parents aren't perfect, but chances are, no one will ever love you the same way. Especially if you act the way you did.

I, MISS U MOM, MISS U DAD !!! (Shailesh)

enjiyed reading - just sharing with you all !!!!! - shailesh

FINE    

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES   

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING   

This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )  

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH   

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY  

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO    
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing

 Spare three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.  What does Love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What  does love mean?"  
 
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
 "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.  That's love."
 
  Rebecca- age 8
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
   "When someone loves you, the way they  say your name is different.
  You just know that your name is safe in  their mouth."
 
  Billy - age 4
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
   "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and  a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and  smell each other."
 
  Karl - age 5
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
   "Love is when you go out to eat and give  somebody most of your French fries without making  them give you any of theirs."
 
  Chrissy - age 6
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
   "Love is what makes you smile when  you're tired."
 
  Terri - age 4      
 -------------------------------------------------------------------
   "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for  my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to  him, to make sure the taste is OK."
 
  Danny - age 7
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
   "Love is when you kiss all the time.  Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want  to be together and you talk more.  My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They  look gross when they kiss"
 
  Emily - age 8
 --------------------------------------------------------------------
   "Love is what's in the room with you at  Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."